Editor’s Note: This story originally appeared on FlexJobs.com.
Did you take a new job that you thought you would love, but the team leader is making your workdays increasingly stressful?
They may withhold information, undermine your efforts, and single you out in front of the team. Unfortunately, it sounds like you have a passive-aggressive boss.
You’ve already realized that it’s draining to work with them. But it’s hard to put your finger on precisely what they’re doing, making it challenging to confront them or go to human resources.
So, what do you do if you love the company but need to find a way to work successfully with a passive-aggressive boss and maintain your sanity?
First, ensure that it’s more than just growing pains or different communication styles. Use the following list to try and nail down precisely what passive-aggressive behavior they’re exhibiting.
Then, remain professional, set some boundaries, and consider your other options.
Recognizing Signs of a Passive-Aggressive Leader
We often think of passive-aggressive behavior as social media posts with cryptic song lyrics and a “you know who you are” tag at the bottom. But that sort of overt behavior is only one form of dysfunctional passive-aggressive behavior. There are many less obvious ways a leader might communicate with you that are more subtle but still toxic:
- Excessive sarcasm: Sarcasm is a typical passive-aggressive behavior. A passive-aggressive boss might use sarcasm to cover blatant disrespect and accuse you of being overly sensitive if you call them out.
- Withholding information: Does your leader withhold important information from you, giving you little chance of success in completing your tasks? Yep, you’ve got a passive-aggressive boss asserting their authority by making your job harder to do.
- Avoiding difficult conversations: Passive-aggressive leaders often avoid difficult conversations or decisions. They might, for example, say they have to “think it over” when pressed on a decision. You can’t move forward with important projects, and your work performance suffers through no fault of your own.
- Micromanaging tasks: Is your leader constantly looking over your shoulder, micromanaging tasks that they deem too important to trust you with? Watch out, they’ll undermine your faith in your abilities and stifle your willingness to be an innovative risk-taker.
- Undermining team dynamics: Does your leader try to make themselves everybody’s favorite co-worker? They’re taking subtle steps to undermine your team’s dynamics by gossiping or sharing negative information. When your team doesn’t trust each other, they’ll rely more heavily on the leader.
- Changing guidance: After all of your hard work, your leader changed the direction of a project. Not once, but repeatedly. You’re feeling incredibly defeated when you’re constantly redoing things and having to rely more heavily on their input at every stage. In response, they’re acting like you don’t know what you’re doing.
Once you recognize the signs of passive aggression in leadership and nod your head that yes, that’s exactly what’s happening, it’s crucial to handle it appropriately.
How to Deal With Your Passive-Aggressive Boss
When you realize you’re struggling to build a relationship and feeling attacked, it’s time to change how you interact. Even though it’s tempting to give them the cold shoulder, keep it professional.
The challenge with passive-aggressive behavior is that it’s often hard to pinpoint. That means you’re unlikely to make much progress if you try to confront them based on your feelings alone.
Instead, make a point of greeting your boss politely every day and using the following tips to try and manage your work environment.
1. Analyze the Big Picture
First, it’s essential to consider other options. If your boss is new, could they be struggling with their new role? Try to take your personal feelings out of the mix. Consider whether their micromanaging is due to a drive to shine in their new role.
If that’s your only concern, but you find them otherwise likable, can you find a healthy way to build a better working relationship? Maybe your independence is unsettling while they’re getting to know you. Can you schedule routine check-ins while you gain their confidence?
Or, maybe they’re stressed and they have too much on their plate. Are they only leaving you out of the mix, or is it everyone on the team? Is it possible that it’s not intentional?
Perhaps they need help with time or project management. Is there a creative way to suggest a better system to resolve the issues? Maybe a better project management process or software?
Uncovering the root cause behind the behavior and responding professionally can help you build a successful relationship.
2. Utilize Active Listening
Ensure that you’re doing everything on your end to facilitate communication. If you’re not already, employ active listening by making eye contact, asking clarifying questions, and muting distractions.
Do you ever find yourself getting defensive and forming an answer before your boss is done talking? Try to avoid this habit so you can listen to their entire message.
Start pausing after they’re done talking to ensure you’ve heard everything they’re saying.
3. Confront the Behavior
It can be intimidating to stand up to a bully, but you shouldn’t be afraid! Even if their title is bigger than yours, it’s important to have the courage to stand up for yourself and not just let it slide.
They should probably be aware that they’re being obnoxious, but perhaps they’re not.
You can try letting them know you don’t appreciate the way they’re speaking to you. When they say something sarcastic, instead of letting it go and laughing off their comments, address them as if they were serious.
In a professional tone, let them know that you prefer more direct communication to ensure clarity.
4. Keep Written Records
Start seeking clarification and confirmation in writing. Confirm the details and next steps in an email. When you’ve met in person, ensure that you follow up with an email once again confirming the direction they want to take.
Often, this will alert them to the fact that you’re not willing to just let them drown you in negativity. That attention to detail and record-keeping might be what it takes to get them to back off and reassess their communications.
But if not, you have a journal of your interactions and the directions you received that you can take to your next performance review or to HR if needed.
5. Consider Other Options
If the situation is highly toxic, consider leaving. But make sure you think of all the consequences and what it could mean for your reputation before making any decisions.
Do you love the company and feel like there’s still something to be gained from staying on the job? You should talk to HR or explore your options in other departments.
Be mindful that you’ll likely still have to work with them, even if it’s just for a bit. Working with a passive-aggressive boss may affect your mental health and ability to create a healthy work-life balance, and it’s important to practice self-care during this time.
Make sure you are taking breaks and engaging in activities that bring you joy outside of work.
If that feels too uncomfortable, it’s time to explore options outside your current organization. It’s not worth sacrificing your wellness for passive-aggressive leaders or a toxic work environment. Start networking, update your cover letter, and start searching for new opportunities.
Passive-aggressive behavior is an illness that negatively affects your entire work experience. Learning how to deal with it in a healthy way is essential to personal growth.
Prioritizing a Healthy Work Environment
You might feel trapped by expectations or fears of unemployment if you haven’t been in your role for long. But you’re entitled to a work environment where you feel respected and valued.
If you’ve analyzed your leader’s behavior and see that it’s chronic, rather than simply a stressful period in their career, you need to find a healthier work environment.