- Narcissists struggle with having positive feelings about someone while they are mad at them.
- For many people, the best thing to do is to leave a narcissist and cut them out of their life.
- If this isn’t possible there are some tactics you can use to stop the argument escalating.
When a narcissist flies into a rage, it can be terrifying.
Narcissists tend to be incapable of something called “object constancy,” which means they struggle to have positive feelings at the same time as negative ones.
Once they are fired up for a fight, they can be incredibly cruel, because all they can comprehend in the moment are feelings of resentment and anger.
As a result, an argument about the smallest of issues can escalate quickly and fiercely. Something you may have thought of as unimportant, or even irrelevant, has been blown into a relationship-ending showdown. They’ve spent your entire relationship working out how to push your buttons, and they will use everything in their power to make you feel insignificant and small.
Narcissists can be very delicate, depending on what sub-type they are. Alena Scigliano, a psychotherapist and clinical expert in narcissistic abuse, told Insider they are often deeply insecure underneath all the bravado, so they easily mistake other people’s comments and actions for “attacks on themselves.”
“They also have poor self-awareness, so they aren’t able to internally perceive when they begin to escalate, and poor social awareness means that they don’t consider how their behavior is impacting those around them,” she said. “They often struggle to regulate their emotions, so reacting calmly isn’t within their purview.”
Narcissists when offended accuse their partner of being “disrespectful” or “selfish.” The world should revolve around them in their eyes, so focusing on anything else is taken as a direct attack.
Here’s what you can expect from an argument with a narcissist and what you can do to keep things from spiraling out of control, according to experts.