Ever felt like you’re not quite up to the task, or feeling a sense of impending doom, despite your evident competence?
You’re not alone.
Self-doubt is a common obstacle, but it’s one that can be overcome with the some mindset adjustments and simple strategies.
Let’s take a look at ways that I manage to push past my own doubts and ideas that you can use to have more confidence in your future actions.
Growth Often Includes Some “Failures”, and That’s OK!
The journey to success isn’t a straight line, despite what many would have us believe. It’s always filled with ups and downs, wins and setbacks.
We get up, we stumble, we fall down, we get up, we stumble a bit further, and fall down again. Do we punish our babies when they can’t sprint like an Olympic athlete from birth?
I would argue that if you tried something new and it worked perfectly first time, we would be ill-prepared for the day when something does really challenge us, or we would be useless to someone who we are trying to help.
I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.
Thomas Edison
Embrace the fact that some degree of failure is inevitable, and that’s perfectly fine.
We can (and ought to) reframe most failures as “unanticipated or unwanted outcomes”, and opportunities for lessons learned.
It’s through these failures that we learn the most valuable lessons. Our personal resilience and adaptability also depend upon it.
I’ve been using my CNC machines to help my wife produce products for her store. One of the weird things with these tools is unless you want to be overly cautious, and thus waste your time, then you will definitely, always waste a lot of money on bits and materials in the pursuit of the most efficient settings.
When you push it too hard it will scream a high-pitched whine, it will chatter, and ultimately something with bork.
It’s only through getting it wrong that you find the sweet spot that is just right.
End the struggle, frustration, and overwhelm.
Get the help and advice you need to take your business where you want it to be.
Do, or Do Not – Don’t Let Perfectionism and Procrastination Hinder You
Perfectionism and procrastination are two sides of the same coin.
Both can keep you from starting or completing tasks because of fear.
The key is to start with what you have, learn as you go, and improve along the way.
Rather than “try”, which fixes your focus on an outcome, instead just work on the doing.
Do or do not; there is no try.
Yoda
Yoda wasn’t saying that Luke should always succeed, but that he was fixated on doing it right, his lack of self-belief, and his fear of failure. Instead Luke should have trusted in himself, the process and the force.
Something we can definitely learn from.
We put off and procrastinate, rather than taking daily actions, rather than putting into practice.
However, it is important to listen to what your procrastination is telling you.
First, are you just bored? Procrastinating from something mind numbing is commonplace and unless you can spice the task up by finding something fun within it, or a reward afterwards, you have to just suck it up.
Are you overwhelmed? It often helps to break daunting tasks into smaller, and more managable pieces.
If it is not about boredom and it is not about overwhelm then maybe your subconcious is either protecting you from something, perhaps because of some bad experience it does not want to repeat, or part of you feels like you are on the wrong track.
This could be vital for you to know!
I know a lot of my fear of public speaking was because of school bullying. This is something I only really got control of after I forced myself to get up in front of classrooms and gave lectures.
Give Yourself the Benefit of Self-Doubt
Strangely, while it is naturally viewed negatively, self-doubt can serve an important purpose.
The fear can force you to plan better, to double-check your work, and to push you to be more thoroughly prepared for alternative outcomes.
Recognize when it’s being helpful, and when it’s spiraling into unnecessary anxiety.
My main reason for getting pretty good at project management was fear. It was panic attack mitigation!
Fear of things going wrong, or worse things going off the rails while I was unaware, making it impossible to correct in time, causing an even bigger FUBAR.
Colleagues in the past have remarked how good I was in a crisis, but I often wonder if it was just because I had played out every worst-case scenario in my head already while they were facing the situation for the very first time.
Beliefs Determine Outcomes
Your beliefs directly influence your actions. If you believe in your experience, your skills and the value you bring, you’re more likely to succeed.
Remember, skills and experience are crucial, but they must be backed by confidence in your own capabilities.
The more evidence we can generate in the outside world, the more we will internally believe our own value.
When we approach things with mismatched assumptions, we can often cause a self-defeating prophecy.
At a previous role we had some warning there would be potential layoffs. On paper I should have been safe, with stellar performance appraisals and tangible evidence that I provided value to the company.
But, as well as being amongst the better paid and therefore a good target financially to be dumped, I also spiralled into catastrophising and imposter syndrome. I think I allowed my brain to runaway with fear and ultimately self-sabotage.
Developing a Growth Mindset
Are your current belief systems holding you back or helping you?
I worked with a guy who grew up with an absolute hate for anyone who he perceived as wealthy. His dad had taught him that rich people always made their wealth unethically at best, and criminally at worst.
His core belief became financial success means you are a bad person.
Unfortunately, he was a brilliant vector graphics designer, and therefore got healthily rewarded when the company did well. That mental conflict I believe is what threw him off the rails.
Be open to adjusting how you see success, see failure, what you really want, what you are willing to do to get it, and be willing to step outside your comfort zone.
Fear of Embrassment
People tend to be self-absorbed. They often do not think about us at all, let alone notice when we have egg on our faces.
We over-estimate how much interest other people have in the details of our own lives, but of those who do notice when we slip up, are their opinions even important?
Remember, those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.
Trust advice from those who truly want to see you succeed and try to ignore feedback from people who do not have your best interests at heart.
Incremental Little Wins
Setting small, achievable goals can lead to a series of wins that boost your confidence.
Each small success builds your belief in your ability to succeed again.
Rather than lofty goals, decide that today you are going to reply to ten social media comments from people who you would like to get to know better. Or you will write five ideas for your next email topic.
With momentum you can then dial up the OMG scale.
In time you will be able to steadily let go of old self-concepts that limit you by taking small, calculated risks.
Shifting your boundaries and exploring what you’re truly capable of will provide confirmation and compound your efforts.
Practice Gratitude
It is helpful to see what you have already achieved, the comforts and treasures that you have, and when you have actually got it good.
Regularly reflecting on what you’re thankful for can shift your focus from what you lack to what you possess. This fosters a more positive outlook and strengthens your resolve to push forward.
Over the last couple of years I have been mourning the lost of a parent, a parent in-law, our beloved pooch, and our beautiful life in Canada. I had an amazing job that I loved, a wonderful home, in one of the best parts of one of the best countries in the world.
But if I focus on what I lost or lack, I lose sight of the good stuff that I do have. I am incredibly fortunate, and rather than look back with sadness I should focus on thanking my lucky stars now.
We so often compare out situations to other people, or some imagined perfect future, we seldom take stock of how far we have come, what we have to be thankful for, and making the most of our present.
Permission Slips
Rather than adjust how we perceive things, it is often just easier to look externally for validation, encouragement, or the nod of approval that we are on the right track.
That is ok!
I am not sure where I first heard this phrase but I like it and use it. These are your “permission slips”.
One of my biggest permission slips was speaking at events. Because I was a speaker, it was “OK” that I was in the room or in the halls. I had permission to be there! You can’t throw me out! Look, I am on the schedule!
Collect and use reminders of your past successes—like positive feedback, successful projects, awards, or certifications—to feel confident and capable in new endeavors, and to know you are where you are meant to be.
Don’t be fooled by other people’s permisison slips, though!
You will often hear people say “As a __________, I …”, they will lean on whatever it is as their authority crutch. It makes our own imposter syndrome even more frustrating when we see other people not experience that:
- “As a mother, I know what is best for my child and all other children“. Does that mean people who are not parents do not have relevant expertise? Does her experience of raising her child automatically apply to mine? No!
- “As a scientist, I cast doubt on the conclusion of this study …“. Are they qualified in the specific field in question, or are they saying any scientist, credentialed any place, has enough knowledge and expertise to cast doubt?
- “As a millionare and CEO of a business I inherited, I know better than anyone how best to run a government“. Don’t get me started!
Self Doubt Elimination Action Plan
I don’t want this to be a long list of me saying “you should think and feel this way” and call it done, so here are some practical things you can do to help you eliminate as much doubt from your life and work as you possibly can:
Recognize It’s Common
Ask your friends, colleagues, contacts, and casually survey them to see how often they have doubts, insecurities or imposter syndrome.
Understanding that imposter syndrome affects many can normalize your experiences and reduce anxiety.
Acknowledge Your Accomplishments
Keep a record of your successes, good reviews, KPIs, positive emails, wins big and small, so that you can review them when doubts creep in.
Squash Comparisons
Rather than measuring your journey against others’, especially those heavily curated highlight reels on social media, applaud when you see someone do well.
Even better, try to deconstruct what they did so you can get ahead too.
When I started to reframe these scenarios for myself, I started to realize in a way other people seeing obvious success was another kind of permission slip – it shows it is possible to achieve, with a bit of luck, the right resources, and with the correct steps taken.
Embrace Growth Rather than Limitations
Focus on improvement and view challenges as opportunities to grow.
Next time you catch yourself saying “I can’t” or “I wish I could“, instead try to think about “How could I work towards?”, or “What would it take to?”.
Focus on progress rather than perfection, and your place along your journey rather than distance from your goal.
My daughter, like her parents, often feels anxiety and self-doubt. I try to remind her, many of the individual things that she has faced in her life would have crushed many other people, let alone combined. Heck, she faced more medical emergencies before her first birthday than most people in their entire lives. But for her it is just how things are, “nothing special“.
Self Compassion and Realistic Expectations
Be patient with your progress, knowing that growth takes time.
There is an old joke that if you ask for directions in Ireland, you might get told “you can’t get there from here”.
We know when looking at others that you just need to get to the next step, the next checkpoint, the next landmark, but when dealing with our own stuff we seem to think in terms of quantum leaps.
Figure out what your next steps need to be, and do those. If the big hairy goal is giving you the fears rather than inspiring you, then look to what feels acheivable toward that goal instead.
Replace self-criticism for being far from your happily ever after, with supportive self-assurance, recognize your efforts and the practical things you have done.
Challenge Negative Thoughts
Write down negative thoughts as they come up, either in a text document, a journal, or whatever.
When you are feeling more clear-headed, scrutinize their validity, and try to reframe them positively.
Regularly remind yourself of your actual abilities and how many people value them.
My wife is a perfectionist, which she can see as a flaw; “a bit of a control freak”. That is actually her secret super power, which she used in full force when she was an editor. Her ability to “see what is wrong at 1000 paces” might be … a challenge … as her mainly-flaws husband, but it is brilliant when you need absolutely something to be polished as all heck before it is sent out.
Self-Doubt Banishing Quick-Tips
Here are some quick-fire things you can do starting now:
- Use the “minimum viable” approach to unlock the paralysis of self-doubt, gain proof, and to build your momentum.
- Break goals into smaller steps to reduce overwhelm.
- Take daily action rather than obsess over the far future.
- Build a network of encouragement and seek constructive feedback.
- Incorporate mindfulness into your daily routine which will help you focus, help you consider your responses, and reduce stress.
- Reward yourself for each achievement, no matter the size.
- Ask yourself daily what you are grateful for.
- View setbacks as results of experiments and learning opportunities, not failures.
- Deliver on your promises to yourself and to others. Only promise what you can deliver.
- Align your actions with your core values.
Conclusion: The Key to Cultivating Confidence
Overcoming self-doubt isn’t about never feeling uncertain, and I certainly haven’t yet got it all figured out. Just writing this is giving me the feels of imposter syndrome “Who am I to …”.
It’s more about managing your mood as much as you can, and moving beyond those doubts into productive action.
Adopting these ideas will hopefully empower you to do, despite your fears, ultimately leading to a more fulfilled and content life.
Remember, every step forward, no matter how small, is a step closer, and in taking that step, the person becomes a different person from the one before.