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Here’s something I’ve always believed: the better you know your team members, the easier it is to give them the support and freedom they need to be successful in their work.
At my last company, all of my direct reports were with me for at least eight years. We went through a significant portion of our lives together. My team members lost family members, had legal issues and fertility issues, got married, moved and divorced, and I saw it all. I also saw how all these things affected their performance in the office — some were temporary changes, while others were forever.
Those experiences also shaped the way I currently run FutureFund, the free fundraising platform for K-12 school groups that I founded. Here’s my advice on building strong working relationships to set your organization up for better teamwork and more success.
You have to know where people are coming from
Some managers don’t want to know about their team’s personal lives or experiences, but I think that’s a mistake. Asking appropriate questions and getting people to open up not only builds trust; it also helps you understand what they’re working with — and what they need to work more effectively.
Here’s an example: I had a first-time manager who was recently promoted, but soon afterward, his performance began to drop.
There are two ways to deal with this kind of thing when it happens. The first one is to give an ultimatum. You tell the person that their performance needs to improve or that they have to go.
The second is to ask them if everything is okay. That’s what I did, and he told me his cancer was back. He was a veteran and had been exposed to some nasty things in Iraq, giving him health problems. Suddenly, the fact that his performance was slipping wasn’t the issue anymore. Our priority became getting him the support he needed — and by being able to help him, we were able to help the business.
10 years later, this employee was still with us, and his work was great again. But I never would have been able to ascertain that if I had taken the other approach.
Really getting to know someone means asking the right questions and listening carefully to the answers. And it’s never too early to start — in fact, you can (and should) begin doing this from the moment you sit down to interview a candidate.
Related: I’ve Interviewed Over 2000 Candidates — Here Are the 2 Questions I’ve Asked the Best Hires
It’s not about micromanaging
Knowing your people isn’t the same as keeping tabs on them. Breathe down a person’s neck, and they’ll come to resent you. But show them you care, and you’ll empower them. It’s a simple difference but an important one.
Mentorship plays a critical role in this process. I’ve written extensively about the role of mentors in business, but the key is to see yourself as a coach — someone who is actively involved in your team’s success.
Adopting this perspective keeps your feedback constructive instead of punitive and reassures your direct reports that you have their best interests at heart. However, it also requires some vulnerability on your part.
Related: Be a Coach, Not a Referee — How to be a Good Mentor and Manager from a Coaching Perspective
Vulnerability inspires trust and transparency
One aspect of effective mentorship is setting yourself up as someone people trust. Not only do you need to be willing to learn about their lives, but you may also need to be comfortable opening up about yours as well.
One thing we do as an executive team when we get together is share a personal story. It’s usually something about family, and it often involves a personal struggle. It can even result in tears.
It’s not structured or forced. We just go around, and everyone has the opportunity to share as much or as little as they want. It is the single best activity I’ve ever done to feel close to the people I work with.
Everyone is showing a degree of vulnerability by sharing something private, and it takes a lot of courage. It also creates a level of understanding, respect, and friendship that I’ve never seen in any other activity that we’ve done.
Strong working relationships have immeasurable benefits
When you take the time to really get to know your team — and let them get to know you in turn — incredible things can happen. Many of these have a value that is easy to quantify: a better understanding of each individual’s capacity, opportunities for more focused mentorship and coaching, and a sense of what risks people are comfortable taking.
Related: Why You Have to Let People Fail Now So They Can Succeed Later
But there are benefits you can’t measure as well, like loyalty and trust. People don’t just give you these things when you tick enough boxes as an employer. They need to feel like you mean something to them.
Ask the right questions, listen to the answers, and don’t be afraid to open up and share about your own life as well. It might put you outside your comfort zone at first — but as any successful leader will tell you, that’s where growth happens.